465 S Orlando Ave, #113, Maitland FL 32751
Grief Counseling
"Each person's grief is as unique as their fingerprint. But what everyone has in common is that no matter how they grieve, they share a need for their grief to be witnessed. That doesn't mean needing someone to try to lessen it or reframe it for them. They need is for someone to be fully present to the magnitude of their loss without trying to point out the silver lining."
- David Kessler
Grief takes over
Isolation, sadness, anguish, hopelessness, despair, loss, and longing are some of the emotions that encompass grief. Grief encompasses so many emotions and is felt deep in your soul. Sometimes you don't even know it's there.
You are not the only one.
Grief is suffered from the loss of a loved one or friend; grief is suffered from the loss of the life you had and no longer live; grief is suffered from the loss of a pet; grief is suffered from the loss of a relationship. Grief is suffered from heartbreak and disappointment, over the lost of what was supposed to be and what is not. Grief is everywhere and is incredibly common. So often, we don't even realize that grief is living inside of us.
You are not alone.
Therapy is an opportunity to feel seen, to feel found again. After grief takes over and does whatever it wants to you, therapy can help you reconstruct your world with meaning after loss. Loss is an incredible challenge to overcome, and therapy can help mend the wounds.
But it's scary.
Will I leave my loved one behind if I mend from my grief? This familiar feeling has come to bring me comfort. It's hard to want to move forward, there may be shame and guilt enmeshed with your grief. But healing is possible, and mending does not mean your loss will be gone, there is just hope in finding meaning in your life afterwards.
Grief takes time
Grief takes patience and time. Every person grieves differently and on their own timeline. Even two parents who lose the same child will grieve differently. Every loss needs space for grief.
A flower will bloom again. But it takes time and patience to feel and see a difference.
Stages of Grief
Elizabeth Kübler-Ross, M.D. became a world renown grief expert and right before her death, wrote On Grief and Grieving Finding the Meaning of Grief Through the Five Stages of Loss with David Kessler. Both Elizabeth Kübler-Ross, M.D. and David Kessler know grief very well and made it their life's work to normalize and educate the world about grief. After Kübler-Ross' death, David Kessler wrote Finding Meaning, The Sixth Stage of Grief to assist individuals with life after the completion of the five stages. These stages were created to provide a framework for the process of grief. The ability to name emotions and stages gives us a sense of control and knowledge about what we are facing and begins to normalize the pain we are experiencing.
Please note the stages are not linear. You can go from denial to bargaining to depression to anger and then back to depression, etc. But grief is a process. It takes time and patience and also a bit of grace. Each stage can only last for a day or a few hours, we continue to flip back and forth between stages as we grieve.
Shaina has acknowledged grief, and the significance of grief in her life along with its impact and has become a Certified Grief Educator in order to assist her clients through the grief process.
Denial
Denial or even disbelief is often the first stage of grief. Life becomes meaningless and overwhelming and we are simply surviving life. You tend to feel numb and question if life can go on. Denial is your brain's way of letting your brain catch up to reality because the loss is simply too much to internalize and make space for.
Anger
Anger? Am I mad at my loved one? Maybe you're mad at the situation you are left with. You don't always want to feel angry, but with emotions you must lean into them and feel them so you may move through them. Anger also tends to disguise the emotions - typically more vulnerable emotions - underneath that you may or may not be able to name. These emotions include, but are not limited to sadness, hurt, embarrassment, guilt, and fear. Feeling deserted or abandoned in this phase of grief is normal, while the anger holds you close to their existence in your life.
Bargaining
Would you do anything to spare your loved one? Or to spare your situation? This is the stage of bargaining. What if.... If only.... In this phase we may think we had control over something. If we had done something different, or loved one or situation would be different. We would give anything to be with our loved one again or to turn things around. In this stage guilt tends to creep in. Guilt for what could have been different or what should have been different. Guilt is tough. Guilt is painful.
Depression
Then we are left with this whole in our soul, in our bodies, in our heart. The sadness creeps in and takes over - takes a space inside us. Depression in grief is not indicative of mental illness, it's a stage within the grieving cycle. You begin to worry will you feel this way forever? Maybe you want to fix how you feel. Maybe you want to be able to feel better quickly. But the loss is depressing, it is sad and it's hard. Would it be odd if you didn't feel sad without your loved one?
Acceptance
Acceptance means that we have come to terms that our loss has occurred. We don't have to be okay with the circumstances, but we have to accept that our loved one is no longer with us and/or our situation is not the same. We learn to live with what is - our new reality - and accept our new circumstances. Our life has forever been changed with our new circumstances, and we eventually learn to accept it. Maybe we begin to reach out to friends or loved ones that we turned away from in other stages; maybe we begin to make new meaningful connections. We begin to live life again.
Finding Meaning
Finding meaning is not exactly what it sounds. You can't possibly find meaning in the death of your loved one. Your loss is too great. The pain is too big. Their physical presence is too important. But what you can do, maybe not today - but one day - you can find meaning in your life after your loss. It's not easy, and it's not going to come quickly. But it is possible.
Grief comes in many shapes and sizes.
Loss of a loved one - a spouse, a parent, a child, a friend, pregnancy loss, pregnancy termination, loss of a friend, loss of a pet, loss of your marriage, loss of a relationship, loss of your life, mourning the life you wish you had, mourning the caregivers you deserved, and mourning the impact of a pandemic on your life are all forms of grief.
